TAB's

Well, it has been quite a few weeks since posting my glorious New Year's Resolutions.  Glorious?  Only in light of what the last few weeks have been. 

I was out sledding on January 4, having a great time with the family and friends, when an unasked for little slice of life tapped me on the shoulder.  "What?", I said.  "You will have a reality realignment.", it said.  "Again?", "Yes, again.".  Within 24 hours I was in the ER for the worst headache of my life, and constant nausea and vomiting.  Yahoo.  I went in style, in my pajamas and fuzzy couch potato fleece.  And boots, of course.  After ruling out anything truly heinous they sent me home with powerful meds.  These were followed by more meds later in the week, and an extremely slow recovery from a "pinched nerve".  C-1 is where the skull rests on the spine.  C-2 is the pivot point.  Somewhere in all those tiny muscles, ligaments, and joints I came up with a world of hurt.  Nothing showed on the CAT scan or the X-rays, but it is there.  It was two weeks before I could stay upright for more than 20 minutes, or eat a decent meal.  Two weeks mostly face down in bed, with an ice pack on my neck.  Trying to make the knives in my left eye ease up a bit and the rolling in my stomach settle down.  This gave me lots of time to think.

First I thought, "At least I didn't Break my neck".  This morphed into, "At least I am in my nice cozy home, not Haiti.".  Then there was, "Gosh, I think I need to get my husband a medal.", and "Wow my son is adorable, even if I can't do anything with him.".   Finally, "When will I be fixed, I'm getting mighty tired of this."  It seems to be two steps forward and one step back, all the way.  Which is still progress.  After two weeks I left the house for pleasure (one golden hour), then could not get out of bed the next day.  After 16 days I ate my first chocolate (yes, my stomach was that off).  And after 18 days I had my first coffee (perhaps I should have quit while I was ahead.).  Now I am settled into a one-day-up, one-day-down routine.  Not that I do much when I am up, but I dream. 

I started PT a few days ago, and it is excellent.  My PT is an angel, she helped fix my shoulder a few years ago.  Now she is helping to pull my head right off my neck.  This is a good thing, because I have a few tight muscles.  Okay, I have a lot of tight muscles.  I have always been focused on being strong.  Now the cosmic lesson is to take the time to stretch.  I am a very mentally flexible person, probably too flexible, but never gave my muscles that training.  Maybe I should turn it all around, work on being mentally strong, and physically flexible.  Cuz the strength is still there.  Even after weeks in bed my neck and shoulders feel like rocks.

I was once told that it is a good idea to listen to the little lessons thrown your way.  That the universe will throw toothpicks at your forehead to get your attention, and if that does not work then next comes the two-by-four.  Well, my neck has been bothering me a bit for over a year now.  I kept thinking, "I should get it together and do something about this...", and never quite got there.  I am there now, and determined to work on things.   Really, I have no choice.  Other than to give up, but that is no fun.  So I am soldiering on.  PT, stretches, down time, up time, attempt to get one or two things done.  I now have great sympathy for migraine sufferers, and those who have been through car accidents and other long term issues.  I see the agony.  And I am determined to follow where ever this leads.  Perhaps to yoga, maybe bio-feedback.  I have friend that does acupuncture, and I will give it a whirl.  I want to get back to my running, and maybe even ski cross country by the end of the season.  But I think I will stay away from the sleds. 

And what is a TAB?   It is a term that comes from people with disabilities.  A little inside joke.  Because if you don't have a disability label then you are a TAB.  Temporarily Able Bodied.  Make the most of it, folks!

Happy New Year!

Nothing like running at 30 below zero to clear ones head.  Also leaves icicles on you eyelashes, which is pretty cool too.  It has been a long time since I posted and I will now make a vague New Year's Rsolution that I will post "more".  I know, I should be more specific, but I really don't want my blog to be a chore so will leave it to when the spirit moves me.

I have made a few specific resolutions so will share.  That way I can share the guilt if I need to.  In no particular order.
Organize- With the Flylady web site: every day.
Train- With a clicker and my two dogs: every day (if only for a minute each).
Run- 3 times a week, 3 races this year.  1: 5km; 1:10km; 1:1/2 marathon.
Ski- Nordic.  Get Alex into classes, Race 1 time. Learn to wax.
Playdates for Alex- 1 time a week, or more.
Budget- Revamp.
Read- Finish each book club book Before book club.
Food-Improve and have great meals at home with family.
Girl Dates- At least once a month.  4 movies, 4 Art, 4 music.

That's what comes to mind.  Nothing grand and glorious, but keeping things going and having fun doing it.  It is very cold out today, but we have friends coming over from Germany to go sledding so will keep this short.  Hope to ramble on soon.  Keep warm and keep smiling.  Yours- Beth

After the Fall

Back to mud season.  Rain, grunge, tracks in the house.  Not that housekeeping rules my life.  We keep an uneasy truce much of the time.  The house minds it's business, I mind mine.  But even a dirtbag housekeeper like me can only ignore so much.  Mud season.  It is a usual time for my juggling balls to hit the ground, splat.  My son's education, my career, outdoor adventures, fitness, creativity.  Splat.  It is the darkening of the year, cold and wet.  Summer and Fall glory are fading and the glittering season of Winter has not begun.  An in-between place.  A place of uneasy rest.  And some good tickles.  Alex and I have been playing let's-hide-under-the-quilts-and-have-tickle-fights quite a lot lately.  Such a cozy place to be, especially when still in pj's after the initial bathroom runs.  Then again after lunch when we're dressed and bored.  Again in the evening when postponing the bed time routine.  Warm, dark, cozy, comfortable.  He has absoluetly no fear of the dark, and likes to block out all light under the covers.  Then he will tunnel to the end of the bed like a mole.  It's a riot.  A perfect game for these times.  Thank the Lord for goose down, even as I feel sorry for those birds.  A guilty pleasure.  Now is also a good time for cooking.  Some of my 44 pounds of green tomatoes have turned into bonafide veggies, and I have a glorious tomato sauce in the fridge.  More like tomato soup actually, all velvety and smooth.   Tomatoes grown out in the sun and the wind, under the giant sky, chopped and simmered down into one pot and plunked in the fridge.  A concentrating and distilling down.  That is what this time of year seems to be.  A bit melancholy, and more so this year.  A year since we lost our most wonderful dog.  A time when friends and loved ones lost also come easily to mind.  Summer gone, winter coming, the earth in between breaths.

I feel a bit like the grasshopper juxtaposed with the ant.  Oh-oh, winter's coming and only my fiddle is in tune.  But much as I try I will never be an ant.  This is why I try to keep my life simple.  I do not have the routines and habits to support more stuff.  In fact I want to free myself of more stuff.  Clear out the composting items (only metaphorically speaking, I swear) and get down to the really necessary.  Less things to clean the mud off.  Two billion people on this earth live on less that two dollars a day.  I think I can do better.  All I need is a warm house.   And a few clothes.  And my outdoor gear.  And food of course, and my books.  Let's not forget indoor plumbing.  Art supplies are good.  So are my radios.  Gotta keep the two vehicles (well, not really but...) and the washer and dryer are key.  Maybe I can get rid of the pine-cone collection?  But not my rocks.  Or pets!  Hmmm.  Maybe just the mud.

But really, it's all good enough.  Kevin is very busy and business is doing well.  Alex still loves his school.  He now has a new job of calling out the bus numbers for kids to line up at the end of the day.  I got a call from one of the mom's who picks her daughter up, telling me what a wonderful job he does.  And I had tea with his aide last week.  Two and a half hours of sharing about Alex, in both directions.  It was delightful.  She is a grandma and just a marvelous woman.  He is starting to really connect with emotions now, his world is opening up and coloring.  At home we talk about many things, and at school he is learning every day.  He cried and cried at school over a story about a girl who flew out the window and over her town, he could not talk about why.  He told Miss Trudie, "I look out my window and try to fly, but I can't..." and cried some more.  Last year, when Lucky died we told him how she flew up to heaven.  Now he is getting words and images for that sadness, and that is a very good thing.  It is sometimes trying, as emotions leak all over every day happenings, but it was much worse for them to be so deep and impossible to understand.    They say that kids with autism do not have much emotion, and that is so untrue.  What is true is they are often locked off in their own well, with no connection to the processing and logic part of the brain, so that they can only be in one part or the other.   With little or no communication between the two and no understanding of how to corral and control emotion.  Better to just seal that area off.  But you can't.  And then when these kids fall in the well, it is so hard to get out.  Tantrums, head banging, lashing out at others.   Endless fear or rage or sadness.  Until they escape, and leave all those impossible emotions behind, sealed off again and avoided.  Little by little, we are connecting the two, and this will be our biggest job for the next several years.  We get the brunt of this work, and that is fine.  At school he is happy and joy filled.  He is impressing them with his memory and love of academic skills.  And the kids seem to really like him, even if they don't get why he is so quirky.  He still can't converse in kid language, and his attention span and fidgetyness keep him on the move during class.  But with continued work it will all come around.

So things may be muddy and dark, but the world keeps on spinning.  The end of one adventure becomes the beginning of another, as long as you're living in a circle and not a straight line.  I think it is time to go for a run with the new dog... in the mud.  C-ya!

Writing Wanted

I want to write. 
Tried tonight. 
Lots to say. 
No brain today. 
Could be the cold.
Could be the virus.  
Bookkeeping done.
What else desireous?

Hibernation

It's not that I don't like winter.  I do.  I really do.  I get excited to ski the trails, skate the ponds, and hike the rivers.   I love to hear water under ice, watch gorgeous individual snow flakes, feel frozen air hit my lungs at 20 below.  I love to snowshoe in silent woods and sled the deserted golf courses.  When it is winter the world outside is yours.

When it is 40 degrees, and raining, and dark, I just want to go to bed.  And stay there.  At this time of year it is cold and miserable.  The trails are mud, the clouds are grey, and the sun gets up late and goes to bed early.  And so do I.  This is the Achillies heel of my outdoor year, perhaps of the whole Northland.  As the joy of the harvest goes past, and the last brilliant days are wrung out, the darkening of the year begins.

Maybe I should take my cue from the bears.  Hibernate for real.  Give Christmas a miss and hang a sign on the door, "See you next Spring!".   The cat wouldn't mind.  I'd have to put the feather bed on, to match the down comforter.  Usually I wait until the first real cold snap.  Instead I can snuggle in now, and dream away the months.   Maybe this year I'll do it, I've had the impulse before.

Yeah, it's not that I don't like winter, I just do not like the build up to get there.   I guess I'll just throw in a good movie, drink some tea, and wait, wait, wait for the snow....

The Harvest Dinner

I am stuffed to the gills as I write this.  Tonight was the annual Harvest Dinner for the Clifton Volunteer Fire Department- Duluth Township.  It is held at the Duluth Town Hall out on the Homestead Road.  Not on Homestead Road, mind you, but The Homestead Road.  There is something very curious about the countryside around Duluth.  It is fiercely proud, and quirky.  There are people who have lived there for generations, and most of them know their good fortune.  Many more have moved in during the last few decades, and they are dedicated to the area.  Alex's aunties, Barb and Sherry, live in the country 'round there.  They have a gorgeous wooded place, with a house they built from scratch and a shop that is the envy of all.  Woods (40 acres), fields, a stream, fire pit, Quonset hut, a huge garden, and now the happiest chickens on the planet; their place has it all.  Oh yeah, and a killer dog yard for when they have to go to work, free range cat, and 10 acres of invisible fence for the pooches.  Their name for the spread is Camp Bark in the Dark.  But I digress.

This year was my first in three that I have made it to the feast.  Alex and Kevin make it every time and Alex even made the poster this year.  Twirling his pasta on a fork, with a big grin.  It is a fund raiser for the fire department, and Sherry is a fire fighter.  So is Jody, who also fixes violins and lives nearby.  She picked the numbers and our little family had a clean sweep in the door prizes.  We walked away with the coolest cutting board ever (wooden circle with an engraved spiral), sustainable farming calendar and gift certificate for the New Scenic Cafe, and alphabet letters that interlock.  The music in the background was great, fiddle and guitar duo.  It took about ten minutes for me to realize the musicians had also played at our wedding.  I thanked them and informed them that the music had done it's magic and we were still happily married eleven years later.  There were dozens of happy eaters, all cozy in the Duluth Town Hall.  An old country community building that we had wanted to get married at, but could never get ahold of anyone to work it out.  The unknown woman we sat next to had fought to create Alex's charter school, when it was slated to be closed 7 years ago.  She also knows my great friend Sam.  Maybe we have just been in town long enough to make all these amazing connections, but I also like to think we have been doing a few things right along the way.   Cultivating what is good and nourishing.

The food, of course, was excellent.  Spaghetti with fresh, organic, homemade sauce.  Veggies straight from local gardens.  Venison and locally harvested meat.  And dessert, dessert, dessert.  Kevin is going deer hunting at Sherry's tomorrow, and we are hoping for venison of our own.  The suckers are running rampant around here right now, and if we don't harvest them they will eventually come up with overcrowding illnesses.  Plus they are as free range and organic as it gets.  Tasty too.  I do still have some lingering, post-vegeterian regrets, but I live with them.  We are starting to break the news to Alex about where some of Mama and Daddy's food comes from, he still being a total vegeterian.  Not for lack of trying on our part, he just wont touch meat.  We started by explaining tonight that we were stopping by Barb and Sherry's after the dinner to close their chickens in for the night.  So no other animals would eat them.  This is a little part of the world we have not been terribly forthright about.  He never asked, we never explained.  He was rather interested in this new bit of information, and enquired about what types of animals might eat the chickens.  We came up with about a dozen local predators.  He didn't ask anything else, but we did forge on and mention Daddy was going to try to shoot a deer tomorrow.  I am not sure that he knows what that means, but if Kevin brings one out of the woods I guess he will further his education.

So, now the Harvest Dinner is past and the trees in the country are at their peak of color.  I currently have 44 pounds of green tomatoes ripening in the kitchen, and three coolers full of apples.  The last of the flowers fill two jars on the table.  Tomorrow we may have venison for the freezer and  Sherry stated she forsees eggs in our future.  Winter is surely coming (especially since it snowed today), but I think our cozy little free range life in Duluth should see us through.

Film at 11

http://www.fox21online.com/healthreport/duluth-clinic-helps-autistic-children-chttp

Well, I think this will work.  This is a little piece that was done for the news in our area.  Since Alex is such a ham, and loves his acting, we were asked to participate.  It was fun, except for the fact that we had to do it twice.  They lost the first entire interview set and film.  Not sure how that happened, but a few weeks later they sent an entirely new crew to film again.  I would be very curious to compare the two, since I don't think I said the same things at all.  But I'm sure the gist was the same.

I am so indebted to this clinic, I think I would go to the moon for them.  Our fundraiser last month pulled in over $9,400, so I feel like I am helping out even if I was only a little part of it all.  Still could do more, just not sure what.  I do NOT like the way I look or sound on camera, so Hollywood is out unless I get a makeup artist (or 12) and voice coach.  Tahirih is the bomb... maybe we could write a book together or something one of these years.  Perhaps when survival of junior high is imminent.  For now I am just happy to be helping in small ways.

In other news, Alex ate parmesan cheese the other day, without any coercion at all.  I just put it on the table and announced he did not have to eat it because it was for me.  And today he ate two different kinds of pizza.  Also, this morning he woke up and announced that he was a fish, "Bloop, bloop.".  For a kid who ate only bread and pasta and had almost no imagination a year ago, we're doing pretty well.