I have loved my son since the day he was born. Loved him so deeply and fiercely that sometimes it takes my breath away. Every day in so many ways, it continues to amaze me. He is always changing. I remember when he was just a tiny baby at two months old. That was him. I could not conceptualize that he would ever change, and when a savvy co-worker gave me 12months and 2T outfits for a shower I panicked. Those clothes were so big and foreign. Would he still be adorable? Would he be a stranger? How could he ever change so much? How would I ever know enough to handle such a giant? Granted I was sleep deprived at the time and rather fragile, but the concerns were real even if the fears were over the top.
Drop in six odd years later and I have come to terms with a few things. My son will grow, and change, and still be magic in my eyes. Some time frames will be good, some time frames will be bad, and we will get through it all with love and life in tact. That said I am feeling a bit of that old panic tonight.
Tonight was golden. The evening of Father's Day. I worked all day and the boys had some marvelous adventures. When I got home I took our son off Daddy's hands, and took him for a river swim. We met up with boating friends who all managed to spawn at the same time. All of different ages, situations, and locales, four families ended up with kiddos traveling the same grade, and we meet up every season or more for various adventures. Tonight it was taking the kids "swimming" at a bend in the Knife River, a quiet Northwoods spot, not well traveled or much disturbed. It was the perfect spot for a kindergarten adventure. They do not need to go far to find adventure. Being out of sight of the car, and away from the trail is a thrill. Crossing calf deep water running mildly down rapids was enough for each of them to cling and squeal. Once we got to the pool with some currant at the far side I took to ferrying the little tykes across a six foot section of chest deep water (for them) so each could scramble up near the cliff wall. They would stand dripping and proud, looking about with big eyes, deciding if they wanted to jump back into my arms or just take a hand and try to flounder across. It was exciting and heart pounding, for kids and adults. I found myself counting them over and over as we all spread out a bit, making sure the ducklings were safe. They are still small enough to need that, and they stay close enough for it to be possible. Not a one strong enough or confident enough to really swim or duck dive in the four feet deep moving water. Moving lazily in the pool, but still moving, and absolutely impossible to see through. All my old lifeguard skills perked up. And I was busy with fun too.
There was much ferrying, but also spins through the water, assisted jumps straight out of the water, traverses below mini-rapids, and piggybacks across the stones. The little ones are still so tactile. There was Alex, his best buddy from school Lily, Carver a little blondie, and Elaina the peanut. Too excited to talk, mostly they would just flounder over and point or gesture where, or what. They are not quite up to my chest, so my height was a big advantage for their swimming experience. Plus I was one of the first parents in so I didn't mind getting soaked in the play. We caught the last of the afternoon sun as we got in the first river swim of the year. Alex loved it, and I see lots of potential for river or creek swims yet this summer. Tomorrow is the solstice, and we are just getting started.
And then there is Pooh. Alex likes to say, "Oh, bother.", when something does not go right, and he often talks about Pooh, and Piglet, and Eeyore. He wants to know what will happen if he gets blown by the wind when holding onto a string, or if there are Woozles or Heffalumps under the bed. Sometimes he even says, "Tiddley pom", or "Tut tut, looks like rain.". Often he says, "Mama, I am rumbly in my tumbly." And his little friends are right there too. They are in the age of discovery, wondering at the Hundred Acre Woods. Innocent as Pooh, scared as Piglet, brave as Tigger. I saw it in their faces on the river. Their joy at being there, their dawning realization of the wider world. Excitement at the splash of water and miracle of swimming skills. And their exhaustion at the end of the short adventure. The help needed with wet suits and tired emotions. The little hands seeking out mom or dad, needing steadiness and strength, wanting warmth and security. The adventure wrapped up with kids bouncing about in their orbits, and parents making plans. Then we all parted ways and it was me and my Alex. My wonderful, innocent, Pooh loving Alex. And this is where the panic comes in. I love this age so much I fear the future, where he will not have Pooh as his hero. When he leaves behind Piglet and takes up with Mario, or a Power Ranger, or something worse. I wonder if I am destined to be always missing the Age of Pooh. I wonder if he will change into something totally different as he grows. I wonder if the real world will tarnish him in a way the Hundred Acre Woods never could. I wonder if I will be able to keep him safe once he's too big to need to hold my hand. That is exactly when the world gets it's most dangerous.
But for now he is still in my safe keeping. I keep a weather eye on him, as do all the other good big people in his life. I am loving all our adventures, and really do look forward to him growing up so we can go further, and faster, with just as much fun. Maybe I will get lucky. Maybe he will always have a soft spot for the silly old bear. Maybe the world will keep him as safe as I want him to be. Maybe he will have more good judgment than I ever had. Maybe the older me will discover like the younger one did, this panic too shall pass.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Walking on Sunshine
So, I am off a running. Well, not actually running, or even half-assed running. I am into my training schedule for walking. Just completed a nine mile walk along Lake Superior. Actually reversed the marathon route that will be clogged with runner types in two days. A nice cool and windy morning with some actual sun, all is going well so far. This is my biggest day, I did six miles yesterday. Next week I will do nine miles and nine miles back to back. I was out for three hours, and this is where the real work begins. For an hour or two I can amuse myself with my own brain, and my feet and joints don't protest too much. Past two hours, however, it all becomes a bit more challenging. I become bored with myself and whatever I am mulling over, and my feets and joints start to comment on things. Plus I did it all on pavement today. Pound, pound, pound. My team that I am walking with at the big event in August are all in the Cities, and I am not great at pre-planning to get friends out there with me. So I better get more friendly with myself, or prepare for some good fights between my will power and my whining brain. I suppose this is the time to learn to use the MP3 player. Overall it is going well. Four weeks of training down, eight to go. The final goal is the Three Day Breast Cancer Walk, for sixty total miles. Guess I'm on my way!
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Summer's On
Best day ever on Sunday. Kayaked with Alex and Lily, the girl who swears she will marry him. Kevin paddled them down the Louie in the duckie, a four hour whitewater run. The rest of us parents played safety boaters and photographers. Oh for the day they paddle on their own! My love affair with rivers continues and I am totally pumped and energized, even two days later. Ahhhhhh, back to the river... what could be finer? And now we have the ducky I can take anyone who wants to come! Any takers???
Friday, May 21, 2010
Rambling
Wow, just did a mega post on the other site. I sat down at 7:45 to do a quick update and now it is 9:20. Dang. But that cleared up some space in my brain so it was worth it. This spring has been rolling along rather fast, but it is almost all good. No, not ALL good, but if it was I'd be a liar. How boring is that? Yesterday was stone cold gorgeous up here. Sun all day, not too hot. I went for a run, cleared more of the house, and went out with a friend I do not get to see much. We attended the opening of an amazing art exhibit and roller bladed along Lake Superior into the sunset. I am going to pay with aches and pains for the next few days, but it was worth it. I hope the summer is just like yesterday, sunny and a little bit cool. I have the gardens under way. The veggie one is cleared and ready to plant. The side one desperately needs weeding, and the lawn needs mowing again. I listed all the house projects we need to do and almost collapsed in despair, but then made a list of what we have done in 11 years and was pleasantly surprised. Not such the slackers, but a long way to go. I guess that means we can't die any time soon.
Well, that is all I am going to ramble about. That's it. I am good, my brain is clear, time to sort and haul the final keepers from the attic to the basement. -Cheers
Well, that is all I am going to ramble about. That's it. I am good, my brain is clear, time to sort and haul the final keepers from the attic to the basement. -Cheers
The Talk, The Dinner Table, and Drama
There has been lots of drama around here lately. So much that I am very far behind in posting and will try to catch up. But where to start?
Drama is a good place to start. Love triangles and lions. Late nights and sell offs. It has been quite a spring. Alex was in the school play. I signed up for this last fall, with no real clue of the involvement. My kid is in kindergarten, how bad could it be? Well, it was bad timing. And bad hours. And bad days at school. But, overall it was very good. Alex got very tired. Very tired indeed, and was hard to handle at school and home for about 10 days. The hours of practice for his non-speaking part were late and long. 6-8pm for an entire week. This would be more acceptable if his bedtime was not 6:30. I had a plan to only attend some of the practices, and then only stay for part of each, but I ended up having to work. A lot. Like the entire week. So Kevin took over and he powered on through with full practices. It was crazy, but perhaps ended up for the good. Alex got chaos training and endurance for the performance days. It was also the week of our garage sale, so there was lots of other work to be done. So, between the practices and performances, amping up to clear out our house and make a small bit of cash, and working a ton, it is all a bit of a blur. And my mom came up. We love seeing Grandma, and she loved the play and helped with the sale, but it was a whirlwind indeed. Alex was an elephant, had a multi-layered costume and full face paint, and three scenes on stage. He put up with it all like a trooper. The cast was huge at 90, but the other kids really looked out for him. Sometimes I get the feeling he is like the school mascot, in a good way. He had a 6pm performance on Saturday May 1st, also Sale day, and a 2pm performance Sunday May 2. I know this for sure, the rest is a but fuzzy. He had no bad behavior in specific during this time frame, like tantrums or blow ups (we have left those behind) but he was resistant and pokey at home and school, and more handsy and pincy with kids. There were three kindergarten elephants and the mama in fifth grade. The other two little ones, who Alex calls The Twins, were both girls from his class. They were adorable together. One of them, a cute redhead named Lydia, got her hand stepped on pretty bad during school by a disregulated Alex. I asked her mom about how she felt during play practice and she said, "Oh, she forgave him right away. She said that he didn't really mean it and just has a hard time controlling himself sometimes." I asked Lydia about it too, and she said essentially the same thing, while smiling and gazing at Alex. I heard through the grapevine she has declared her intention to marry him.
So, we survived the play weekend. The garage sale had also concluded a 21 day Financial Fast where we quit all spending and shopping, except for groceries, bills, and gas. That was a really cool experience, and tied in nicely with clearing out for the garage sale and focusing on selling off and donating unneeded things. The house got much clearer and we are ready to head towards a summer of building in the attic. As we got into May we began to revamp our dinner menu. We started a plan back in March of a weekly dinner menu. With school and all we had gotten into the bad habit of just feeding Alex pasta, toast, and bagels for dinner. It was all he wanted. Butter on all, and maybe cheese sauce or peanut butter for variety. We have lamented his limited diet forever, he is a plain carbs kind of kid. No meat, no beans, no veggies. Not even tomato sauce. If anything new is introduced he shuts down, either panicking, shutting down, or both. We have been through the food clinic and made progress there, but made little further progress. It started as a motor planning thing, and poor ability to distinguish textures and move food around. Then it became habit and phobia. I knew this, but was stuck. I didn't seem to have it in me to do creative taste picnics like the therapist, and work step by step to make it exciting and fun to eat progressively more difficult foods. That meant making a taste picnic time plan and having a specifically planned graduated menu, cooking it all, and fitting in these extra fun sessions into a regular time slot. Yikes. But finally all the carbs got to me. It was too much and he was showing signs of readiness and branching out a tiny bit in his eating. It was time to go for it. So I devised and weekly dinner menu. The same thing every week, at the same time. Real dinner, with plates, napkins, utensils, and all family present. We posted the menu and Alex immediately got in the habit of asking what was for dinner. It was very basic with some fun things like jello and pudding thrown in for some desserts. He totally got into making those. And Kevin got into it to. With a set menu to go off and shop for there was no more agonizing, or making separate meals for mom and dad. I usually cook when I am home, but Kevin is a champion cooker too. We have rarely ditched the menu and gone for pasta or toast. Except for play week, all bets were off then. But we are back on the regular schedule and it has worked. Some of the biggies he now eats are soup, and tomato sauce on his pasta. Still can't get him to eat a chicken nugget, but maybe that is for the best. He is totally into mashed potatoes, and eats his cooked veggies. We just did a 7 week revamp and dropped out some of the failures (the nuggets and hamburgers), kept favorites (soup, pizza, and ONE pasta meal a week), and the great success of the new menu was that my son at tofu. Tofu. And liked it a lot. "Mama, I like this white cake. It is yummy!". And yes, marketing is important. Tofu has become White Cake tofu, and quiche is Eggy Pie. Total failure on the quiche as he grabbed it too fast and burnt his mouth on melted cheese, but hope to get over that. This current menu will run for another 6 weeks before we revamp it again. And this time I will start blending in and hiding small amount of healthy stuff in his mashed potatoes and other places. As they say, youth and enthusiasm will always be overcome by age and treachery.
Perhaps the biggest event of the spring was our talk with Alex's class. Big mentally. We had his spring IEP, which was a dream. Love his staff, all of them, and they are really on target in terms of assessing him and planning to help him move forward. They are even instituting and new program for August to help him prepare for the next school year. As we wound down this year I tentatively wondered if it would be good to talk to his class about his autism. The enthusiasm was overwhelming. It overwhelmed my urge to run, forget about the whole thing, and pretend he us just an average kid. No luck there. It is good, I suppose, that he has some very visible signs of autism. He still flaps when excited, gets overstimulated by too much noise and excitement and runs out the door or grabs kids inappropriately, and it is easier for him to avoid social contact. But he loves his little friends too, and reaches out all the time in many different ways. And the kids notice all of this, and that he gets to leave class with his aide, and he does not always have the same rules as they do. Since they really seem to love him too it was time to come clean with them.
We debated about using the word autism. Are they too young to understand? Will they use the label as a weapon? Will it make them turn on him, or act differently than they would without the label?? But you can't erase the truth and understanding combats fear. The truth is there are quite a few notable differences with Alex, and these kids will encounter many other kids with autism in there lives. Maybe by knowing all about Alex, while they love him as they do, then that will help the others. The talk was short, about 10 minutes. Alex was out of the room, as well as the other little boy in their class with autism. Teacher had them gather around us on the carpet, 20 some little eager faces. We talked about how Alex is different, both the bad and the good, we talked about autism and how he was born with it, we talked about their observations. Lydia sat right next to me, and when I said nervously that Alex had a thing called autism she raised her hand with a big smile and said her mom had told her that. I didn't even know her mom knew, but of course she did. The signs are all there for someone to see. I was surprised and delighted, score one for the truth. Why delighted? Because Lydia was smiling, and Lydia wants to marry Alex too. I really got that these kids, these kids who have been with him all year, really want to be his friends. They are not just tolerating him, they are pursuing him. And even though he is not able to fully connect with or play with them on the same complicated level they are at, they don't care. They see him as a peer and friend, and tolerate the negative while celebrating the positive. They know about his good memory, and his sense of humor, his ability to memorize schedules and sequences, and know the rules. They like his smile and celebrate his opening up and joining their clan of kiddom bit by bit. Yes, the talk went well and we will do it again next year, but even earlier. Like October. And of course we ended with treats. Always bring good treats. Alex joined us and it was not weird. He was thrown by his parents being in class, but the other kids loved us and begged us to sit at all their tables. It was lovely.
There are only two weeks left of school. Alex's new 1st grade teacher joined out talk for a bit. He gets to keep his aide. She started out sharing two kids then moved to only Alex. She is staying on for another year to work one day a week with him. His other aide has worked with the other kiddo in class and will be with Alex instead next year, Monday through Thursday. She is great too. We have a full summer planned. My greatest dream is that Alex continues to connect with his peers, grow and learn to live in the regular world. He will always have his Planet Jellybean to retreat to, hopefully he will need it less and less.
I didn't really mean for this to be a mega post, but sometimes these things just happen. There has been more this spring but it will have to wait. I hit on all the biggies. Oh, except for the love triangles. Alex has two girls that have openly declared their love for him and intention to marry him. Lily actually had him in a headlock the last time she trumpeted her plan to Kevin. And Alex has proposed to two women so far, Melani who is a beautiful young lady in her 20's that I work with, and myself. Yes, he proposed to her first. That was last year. Just recently he declared that he will marry Lussi, a third girl from his class. She was in the play too, and dressed as an exotic bird. She is a peanut, but very much a strong little pixie. But alas, she has declared her love for Aiden. And so the world turns...
Drama is a good place to start. Love triangles and lions. Late nights and sell offs. It has been quite a spring. Alex was in the school play. I signed up for this last fall, with no real clue of the involvement. My kid is in kindergarten, how bad could it be? Well, it was bad timing. And bad hours. And bad days at school. But, overall it was very good. Alex got very tired. Very tired indeed, and was hard to handle at school and home for about 10 days. The hours of practice for his non-speaking part were late and long. 6-8pm for an entire week. This would be more acceptable if his bedtime was not 6:30. I had a plan to only attend some of the practices, and then only stay for part of each, but I ended up having to work. A lot. Like the entire week. So Kevin took over and he powered on through with full practices. It was crazy, but perhaps ended up for the good. Alex got chaos training and endurance for the performance days. It was also the week of our garage sale, so there was lots of other work to be done. So, between the practices and performances, amping up to clear out our house and make a small bit of cash, and working a ton, it is all a bit of a blur. And my mom came up. We love seeing Grandma, and she loved the play and helped with the sale, but it was a whirlwind indeed. Alex was an elephant, had a multi-layered costume and full face paint, and three scenes on stage. He put up with it all like a trooper. The cast was huge at 90, but the other kids really looked out for him. Sometimes I get the feeling he is like the school mascot, in a good way. He had a 6pm performance on Saturday May 1st, also Sale day, and a 2pm performance Sunday May 2. I know this for sure, the rest is a but fuzzy. He had no bad behavior in specific during this time frame, like tantrums or blow ups (we have left those behind) but he was resistant and pokey at home and school, and more handsy and pincy with kids. There were three kindergarten elephants and the mama in fifth grade. The other two little ones, who Alex calls The Twins, were both girls from his class. They were adorable together. One of them, a cute redhead named Lydia, got her hand stepped on pretty bad during school by a disregulated Alex. I asked her mom about how she felt during play practice and she said, "Oh, she forgave him right away. She said that he didn't really mean it and just has a hard time controlling himself sometimes." I asked Lydia about it too, and she said essentially the same thing, while smiling and gazing at Alex. I heard through the grapevine she has declared her intention to marry him.
So, we survived the play weekend. The garage sale had also concluded a 21 day Financial Fast where we quit all spending and shopping, except for groceries, bills, and gas. That was a really cool experience, and tied in nicely with clearing out for the garage sale and focusing on selling off and donating unneeded things. The house got much clearer and we are ready to head towards a summer of building in the attic. As we got into May we began to revamp our dinner menu. We started a plan back in March of a weekly dinner menu. With school and all we had gotten into the bad habit of just feeding Alex pasta, toast, and bagels for dinner. It was all he wanted. Butter on all, and maybe cheese sauce or peanut butter for variety. We have lamented his limited diet forever, he is a plain carbs kind of kid. No meat, no beans, no veggies. Not even tomato sauce. If anything new is introduced he shuts down, either panicking, shutting down, or both. We have been through the food clinic and made progress there, but made little further progress. It started as a motor planning thing, and poor ability to distinguish textures and move food around. Then it became habit and phobia. I knew this, but was stuck. I didn't seem to have it in me to do creative taste picnics like the therapist, and work step by step to make it exciting and fun to eat progressively more difficult foods. That meant making a taste picnic time plan and having a specifically planned graduated menu, cooking it all, and fitting in these extra fun sessions into a regular time slot. Yikes. But finally all the carbs got to me. It was too much and he was showing signs of readiness and branching out a tiny bit in his eating. It was time to go for it. So I devised and weekly dinner menu. The same thing every week, at the same time. Real dinner, with plates, napkins, utensils, and all family present. We posted the menu and Alex immediately got in the habit of asking what was for dinner. It was very basic with some fun things like jello and pudding thrown in for some desserts. He totally got into making those. And Kevin got into it to. With a set menu to go off and shop for there was no more agonizing, or making separate meals for mom and dad. I usually cook when I am home, but Kevin is a champion cooker too. We have rarely ditched the menu and gone for pasta or toast. Except for play week, all bets were off then. But we are back on the regular schedule and it has worked. Some of the biggies he now eats are soup, and tomato sauce on his pasta. Still can't get him to eat a chicken nugget, but maybe that is for the best. He is totally into mashed potatoes, and eats his cooked veggies. We just did a 7 week revamp and dropped out some of the failures (the nuggets and hamburgers), kept favorites (soup, pizza, and ONE pasta meal a week), and the great success of the new menu was that my son at tofu. Tofu. And liked it a lot. "Mama, I like this white cake. It is yummy!". And yes, marketing is important. Tofu has become White Cake tofu, and quiche is Eggy Pie. Total failure on the quiche as he grabbed it too fast and burnt his mouth on melted cheese, but hope to get over that. This current menu will run for another 6 weeks before we revamp it again. And this time I will start blending in and hiding small amount of healthy stuff in his mashed potatoes and other places. As they say, youth and enthusiasm will always be overcome by age and treachery.
Perhaps the biggest event of the spring was our talk with Alex's class. Big mentally. We had his spring IEP, which was a dream. Love his staff, all of them, and they are really on target in terms of assessing him and planning to help him move forward. They are even instituting and new program for August to help him prepare for the next school year. As we wound down this year I tentatively wondered if it would be good to talk to his class about his autism. The enthusiasm was overwhelming. It overwhelmed my urge to run, forget about the whole thing, and pretend he us just an average kid. No luck there. It is good, I suppose, that he has some very visible signs of autism. He still flaps when excited, gets overstimulated by too much noise and excitement and runs out the door or grabs kids inappropriately, and it is easier for him to avoid social contact. But he loves his little friends too, and reaches out all the time in many different ways. And the kids notice all of this, and that he gets to leave class with his aide, and he does not always have the same rules as they do. Since they really seem to love him too it was time to come clean with them.
We debated about using the word autism. Are they too young to understand? Will they use the label as a weapon? Will it make them turn on him, or act differently than they would without the label?? But you can't erase the truth and understanding combats fear. The truth is there are quite a few notable differences with Alex, and these kids will encounter many other kids with autism in there lives. Maybe by knowing all about Alex, while they love him as they do, then that will help the others. The talk was short, about 10 minutes. Alex was out of the room, as well as the other little boy in their class with autism. Teacher had them gather around us on the carpet, 20 some little eager faces. We talked about how Alex is different, both the bad and the good, we talked about autism and how he was born with it, we talked about their observations. Lydia sat right next to me, and when I said nervously that Alex had a thing called autism she raised her hand with a big smile and said her mom had told her that. I didn't even know her mom knew, but of course she did. The signs are all there for someone to see. I was surprised and delighted, score one for the truth. Why delighted? Because Lydia was smiling, and Lydia wants to marry Alex too. I really got that these kids, these kids who have been with him all year, really want to be his friends. They are not just tolerating him, they are pursuing him. And even though he is not able to fully connect with or play with them on the same complicated level they are at, they don't care. They see him as a peer and friend, and tolerate the negative while celebrating the positive. They know about his good memory, and his sense of humor, his ability to memorize schedules and sequences, and know the rules. They like his smile and celebrate his opening up and joining their clan of kiddom bit by bit. Yes, the talk went well and we will do it again next year, but even earlier. Like October. And of course we ended with treats. Always bring good treats. Alex joined us and it was not weird. He was thrown by his parents being in class, but the other kids loved us and begged us to sit at all their tables. It was lovely.
There are only two weeks left of school. Alex's new 1st grade teacher joined out talk for a bit. He gets to keep his aide. She started out sharing two kids then moved to only Alex. She is staying on for another year to work one day a week with him. His other aide has worked with the other kiddo in class and will be with Alex instead next year, Monday through Thursday. She is great too. We have a full summer planned. My greatest dream is that Alex continues to connect with his peers, grow and learn to live in the regular world. He will always have his Planet Jellybean to retreat to, hopefully he will need it less and less.
I didn't really mean for this to be a mega post, but sometimes these things just happen. There has been more this spring but it will have to wait. I hit on all the biggies. Oh, except for the love triangles. Alex has two girls that have openly declared their love for him and intention to marry him. Lily actually had him in a headlock the last time she trumpeted her plan to Kevin. And Alex has proposed to two women so far, Melani who is a beautiful young lady in her 20's that I work with, and myself. Yes, he proposed to her first. That was last year. Just recently he declared that he will marry Lussi, a third girl from his class. She was in the play too, and dressed as an exotic bird. She is a peanut, but very much a strong little pixie. But alas, she has declared her love for Aiden. And so the world turns...
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
The Talk
Today we talk to Alex's class about Autism. He will be out of the room, and we will sit down with his little friends for a chat and a thank you for being such great friends to Alex. I am nervous, and excited too. It may take a few days to get to a review of the whole thing, but I will post it when I can. Off I go!
Monday, May 10, 2010
Change sucks
I'm just saying. Really, is there anything more to say? I've been working on changing bad habits and it just sucks. I had those habits for a reason, and the reason was they worked for me. Ignoring my finances worked for me. It took no time, and no effort. And that is my type of living.
Yeah, sometimes I am up for the challenge, and sometimes change just sucks. That's all, gotta go to work.
Yeah, sometimes I am up for the challenge, and sometimes change just sucks. That's all, gotta go to work.
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