Why I Love my job/ Why I Hate my job

I have just gotten off my seven day stretch at work. I work on a locked behavioral health hospital unit for children and teens. These thoughts were rolling around in my head as I ran through the woods on a much needed workout.

I love my job because I am active. I could never sit in one spot all day, I would go nuts for sure. I learn something new every day; about my kids, myself, mental illness, living fully, or the realities of life. I am privy to extremely confidential information and try very hard to keep that trust. I am challenged every day to keep positive, keep learning, keep hope, and keep giving...without being sucked dry. I work with some of the most amazing people on the planet. All of our kids are brave and scared and tough and have huge problems, but also amazing strengths.

I hate my job because I see a slice of life that can be very depressing. There are many wars going on and my unit is on the front lines of all of them. The war on drugs, the war on alcohol abuse, the war on sexual abuse, the war on hopelessness, the war on wasted potential, the war on ignorance, the war on untreated and misunderstood mental illness, the war on criminal activity, the war on selfishness, the war on prejudice. I am sure there is more but that is what pops to mind. And in all these wars there are victims, and they come through our doors. Their stories are often terribly sad, and their behaviors can be quite disturbing. What they have come through they take on themselves. Seven year old perps, eleven year old criminals, and teenagers who will spend their entire lives in and out of hospitals and institution. One gets tired of being lied to, shut out, ignored, needled, degraded, yelled at, spit at, kicked, and attacked. Especially when the staff really just wants to help.

Why do I keep coming back?? Well, after getting past the nasty behaviors and disturbing stories, you find the kids. They are real. They are multi-dimensional. And they are not hopeless. They respond amazingly to respect, consistencey, education, caring, and safety. I find, in every single kid that comes through, something that I can like, admire, relate to, or understand. They can be fun and funny, sweet and creative, deep and inspiring. They all have families, and friends, and people rooting for them. Some we even help while they stay with us, and that is enormously satisfying. Others we just hope and pray that the seeds we plant will take root some day.

I am sure there are more reasons I love and hate my job, let's just say it is an education of the most interesting kind.

Confidential

I have been at work for the last seven days and have three to go. It's been a rather long week. My work world is a very strange place, and essentially confidential so I am not sure what to say about it on the world wide web. But I will give it a go.

When I key in past the locked door I enter a space that is similar to a war zone. The adolescents and children I see have often been exposed to extreme violence, neglect, and abuse. They are unpredictable, hurt, angry, guarded, lying, and in great need. They also act out, lash out, cover up, and pretend nothing is wrong. Blame and denial are huge.

The space my program occupies is no larger than your average school cafeteria, but we have upwards of 16 full time and 10 part time kids on site. During the day we can have four different programs going at once. We also have approximately 40 staff. We are open 24 hours a day.

In the past week 2 staff have gone to the emergency room, the police have been on site once, and we have had at least 10 garden variety restraint episodes and 2 doozies.

I don't need drama in my private life, I get it at work in spades. But the strange thing is, the longer I have been in this job the more I like it. It has now been 6 years. Before this job, I had never made it more than 2 years in any given full time position. I would get bored and restless, or go on for more schooling, or simply have moved. Well, I'm staying put in Duluth and I haven't had a chance to get bored yet. Overwhelmed, frustrated, burnt out, under paid, scared, and inadequate feelings, yes. Bored? No. As I have grown in skill and patience and understanding working with these kids, the job has gotten easier. Not easy, especially on a week like this one, but easier. We have had a full house at work, and the acuity has been high, but things usually balance out eventually. Plus the drama affects me less these days, and I can focus more on strengths these kids have. The smiles and love they are still able share, the bright spots of caring and giving that they can show, the funny things they say and do, and the progress we see. Needless to say, the people I work with are an amazing bunch, and we make it fun where we can. I could do nothing good without the team.

One huge side benefit of my job is that it makes me appreciate my home life all the more. I love my husband and son and life, and they all shine brighter in comparison to what I see at work. I also am completely at ease walking out of my home life and into a chaotic and uncertain environment because I know Kevin has things handled back at the ranch. He is the best father I could imagine to our son, and they do fine without me. When I return I can be totally at home, count my blessings instead of complaining (much), and get on with living the good life.

So, I doubt I will post much about my work life. It is so confidential and complicated I prefer to mostly leave it behind that locked door. But it is a huge part of my life. Usually two weeks of every month, that's where I am in the evenings. Learning, growing, earning, and being a part of that adult world we call work.